This seems a bit sad for Mother's Day. The second stanza is my favorite, it works wonders.

"...and the curtains being opened, and me hissing like a tiny vampire." I can so imagine that.

This is a lovely piece, lassie. I'm still trying to decide whether I prefer this or Muse, but on the whole, this is probably more unusual; a poem about motherly love that isn't trite or twee but sounds sincere and even a little wistful. I completely understand what you mean about getting disenchanted with your parents; I think it's one of the things almost anyone can relate to, and I love the way you put it:

I think you've lost your escalation... you're only human now.

Not so sure how your mum would've reacted to the second stanza. Even if I agree with ~TwilightLavender that it's fantastic.

Have you ever broken all the plates in the house?

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I do have a life! Plenty, in fact. I just took five last week and haven't disposed of them yet.

Ooh, more stuff to add, sorry. This reminds me of Rising Five. Can't remember the author, I'm afraid. Not rising four, but five.... not now, but rising soon... not living, but rising dead. And there's also of Seamus Heaney's poem about his father, Follower: I stumbled in his hobnailed wake... but today, it is he who keeps stumbling, and will not go away. Can't remember it exactly.

Critique, as I find I actually have time. The last line of the second stanza's a bit long, you may want to cut it down to 'cause'. But it won't grate if you don't, as the line above's not long at all.

Last line of the first stanza's a bit short. Except that it's no longer true, perhaps?

I'm the one who's rising - I like that, it links in with the first stanza, the idea of morning, growth, rising. It's a syllable short though; 'now' might fit in somewhere.

I think that's it. It really is an excellent poem, I'm just nit-picky.

What's in the AQA anthology? Just curious.

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I do have a life! Plenty, in fact. I just took five last week and haven't disposed of them yet.

That horrible, awful AQA anthology!! Do youthink they deliberately chose bad poems & stuff for most of that?There were a few good 'uns in there, but i'm sooo glad that book's in my history now!

That second stanza's wonderful! I especially like the word 'escalation' in there - not a common word, but works well. S'good. And the way it rhymes perfectly with 'situation'.

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The thoughts of a dying mind: [link] (Blog)

aww, you wrote me a nice long comment, happy now.

Oh god, you mean you do not know the hell that is the AQA anthology? Weeeel for starters we have to do multicultural poetry i.e. english language poems written by people from different cultures about their different cultures. I'm all for this, I think we should embrace other peoples cultures, here what they have to say etc etc but it doesn't actually change the fact that all these poems are crap. Complete crap. With maaaaybe the exception of John Agard (who I saw at the AQA poetry day oh yeah he was so great).

Then you have the two modern poets and you have to study loads of there stuff, this is either Gillian Clarke and Seamus Heany (who granted, is a good poet, just a leetle too obsessed with potatoes) or Carol Ann Duffy and Simon Armitage- I'm stufying the latter two. Carol Ann Duffy is my sworn enemy. I saw her and Simon Armitage at the poetry day too and would quite like to strangle her with her stupid NON RHYMING AT ALL poems. No really. She wrote a poem called Salome, and described it as having "A rhyme that drips down the page like blood". Could have stabbed the pretentious butch woman. Actually there was no rhyme in that poem whatsoever, just the fact that the third line down, a line somewhere in the middle and the last line WOULD HAVE rhymed if they had been put together. Which they were not. No rhyme. She writes about emo subjects such as obsession over men and killing pets and she thinks Shakepeare loved Anne Hathaway. No way.

Simon Armitage is kinda good, not much in the way of rhyming (one or two) but it doesn't matter so much as his stuff is actually good. One of his poems, Homecoming, is about his wife before he met her and he was explaining it at the poetry day (missed half of the explanation though, sneaked out when carol ann duffy was on to poke round the uni) and it made everyone say "Awwwwww! I wish I was his wife". Also, his poem "Mother, any distance" is very good, and the one about Robin telling Batman where to go.

Umm...where was I? Yes, the multicultural stuff is studied in the english language exam but the carol ann duffy/simon armitage stuff is studied in the literature one with poems from the pre-1914 poetry bank. Lots of good stuff there, Shakespeare, Browing, Titchborne, Wordsworth. We've studied Ben Johnsons "On my first sonne" Shakespeares Sonnet 130 "My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun" (second best methinks, after 116 "Let me not to the marriage...") and a couple of groovy Robert Browning ones that read like a seventeenth century gossip column. Only better. There are two William Blake poems in there but luckily we did not have to do them. Grrr William Blake.

This is unecessarily long, I am very bored.

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Weirdlliant! Revolution not evolution [link]

"I'm always true to you darlin' in my fashion, yes I'm always true to you darlin' in my way!"

Visit my prosy account of prose [link]

Yes. I wish I was exaggerating.
Lookee here, you can't leave TWO nice comments on the same poem! I just wrote a longy long reply to the other one! You'll have my insecurity going away and then how will I write poetry?! You never think do you...

You know, I showed this to a friend and they said they'd never felt that way about their mum, even when they were little, which made me very sad. I think as I young child you need to have some sort of superhero around you, it makes you feel safe.

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Weirdlliant! Revolution not evolution [link]

"I'm always true to you darlin' in my fashion, yes I'm always true to you darlin' in my way!"

Visit my prosy account of prose [link]

*gulps* It's not supposed to be sad really...it's just the fact that I'm growing up, my mum's still there for me, but I just see her as more of a friend now and less of a superhero. Thankyou though, I'm glad you liked it

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Weirdlliant! Revolution not evolution [link]

"I'm always true to you darlin' in my fashion, yes I'm always true to you darlin' in my way!"

Visit my prosy account of prose [link]

I like your nice comments, they're nice.
Everyone seems to like the second stanza...Poor first stanza, I still love you

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Weirdlliant! Revolution not evolution [link]

"I'm always true to you darlin' in my fashion, yes I'm always true to you darlin' in my way!"

Visit my prosy account of prose [link]

It's so melancholy for mothers day! but still better than crappy old duffy and armitage! Another for you, I say!

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This has and always will be a source of great amusement for me
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